Women's refuge helping abuse victims to turn their lives around

SARA fled her home soon after her partner left for work.

She remembers that morning as a turning point. When a her partner's anger had escalated into him pushing her face into broken eggs as she was making breakfast she looked up and saw her young daughter watching.

"I thought, I don't want her coming to me with a black eye and telling me 'daddy did it'," Sara, who is in her mid-20s, remembered, "The last thing he said was 'you'd better not be here when I get back'."

After searching for helplines online, she rang the council who put her through to IDAS, a York and North Yorkshire-based charity which provides support to people affected by domestic violence.

"They said grab what you can, we'll pay for the train," she said. Packing what she could carry for her and her two young children she headed to the charity's women's refuge in York.

Located at a secret address, the refuge provides a temporary home to up to ten women and their children who stay for an average of of six months at a time. Referrals to IDAS' services increase year on year and last year it received 2,203 referrals to its outreach services and over 1,000 referrals for refuge accommodation and telephone support.

"Now I feel safe," Sara said. Sitting in a room looking out onto a garden full of children's play equipment, she explains, "It was peculiar because the first night I slept here I thought I'm not going to sleep a wink but because I knew we were all safe it was the best night's sleep I have ever had."

Sara had been with her partner for over five years and while he had initially seemed over protective, the relationship became gradually more abusive.

"He got jealous if someone even looked at me," she said, remembering how she ripped his shirt trying to hold him back from assaulting a man who had paid her a compliment. He frequently frightened her and told her no-one would want her and he would spitefully hurt her, pulling out cupboards as she walked past and burning her on the oven.

When she said she wanted to leave after the birth of her daughter he would take days off work, literally barricading her in the house by pulling furniture in front of the doors. "He was starting to panic," Sara remembers.

While things settled down for a time, after the birth of her son, things again became worse.

But despite her experiences she did not see herself as having suffered serious abuse. "When I first got [to the refuge] I thought I shouldn't be here, as my experience wasn't as bad as the other women," Sara said, "But my key worker said if I'd stayed any longer I might not be here anymore."

Two women are killed by their partners in England and Wales every week, according to Women’s Aid.

Additionally, thousands of other women living with abusive partners who go on to kill themselves, with a third of all female suicide attempts being linked to domestic violence. Domestic violence can have a significant impact on mental health.

For 28-year-old Emily, mental health issues have long been a part of her life but they were made worse by a psychologically abusive relationship.

"He seemed nice at first, he'd bring me flowers and be romantic," she said, "I thought he was a nice guy but he changed.

"I had been with him five years and married for two. When we got married he changed, he just wasn't the same person.

"I could never leave the house. He told me he would take my daughter and disappear and I would never see her again. He wanted to know everything I was doing."

Emily said he played on her problems to the extent that she was sectioned. She later moved back in with him in their home in the MIdlands before making her escape and returning to her home town.

After staying with a friend she was referred to the shelter.

"I have been here three months. They have helped me understand what he was doing was wrong," she said.

IDAS - which has refuges in York and Harrogate - provides shelter for women and their children who need to get away from those who have been abusing them. The outreach service, meanwhile, works with victims of abuse - men and women- who continue to live in their own homes but who need support.

Sara, who was never allowed to take control of things in her home, has learned how to pay bills and write formal letters. She now hopes to set up her own business and to find a new home for her and her children.

"They make you feel like you again," Sara said, "You're not just a battered woman, you're a person who can do things. They are a life line.

"This has affected the level to which I trust people, but I try not to think that way. If I do I feel he has won again.

"For anyone in that position I would say you deserve better. You worth more than this, everyone deserves to be happy."

• If you are concerned about domestic violence, call 03000 110 110

• Abused women are at least three times more likely to experience depression or anxiety disorders than other women, the charity Women's Aid has found.

• One-third of all female suicide attempts and half of those by Black and ethnic minority women can be attributed to past or current experiences of domestic violence.

• Women who use mental health services are much more likely to have experienced domestic violence than women in the general population.

• 70 per cent of women psychiatric in-patients and 80 per cent of those in secure settings have histories of physical or sexual abuse.

• Children who live with domestic violence are at increased risk of behavioural problems and emotional trauma, and mental health difficulties in adult life.

• Names have been changed to protect identities.