Former teenage mothers talk about parents, sex education and peer pressure (From York Press)

Former teenage mothers talk about parents, sex education and peer pressure

9:17am Monday 8th March 2010 in

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BECKY Fieldsend and Sian Roe were 15 when they discovered they were pregnant. They should have taken their GCSEs that year, but instead dropped out of school with no qualifications.

Today, Becky and Sian, who live in Tang Hall, York, radiate love for their children. They have no regrets, but would not recommend other schoolgirls to make the same choices they did.

Becky, 24, said: “There was a lot of peer pressure. You hang about in a group, people are doing things and I think sometimes you feel you need to do things to fit in.

“If I had been more aware of what a relationship really is – that it isn’t just about sex, it’s about love, commitment and trust – then maybe I wouldn’t have rushed into it as quickly.

“I think that’s what the focus of sex education in schools should be. Pupils should be taught about ways you can show somebody you love them without having sex. If somebody loves you, they are not going to rush you into having sex.”

Sian, 23, who has three children aged seven, five and two, agreed.

“I think sex education in schools could be a lot better,” she said. “There are a lot of things that are missed out. When we were doing sex education at school, all I can remember learning about was periods and I think that’s as far as it went.”

So Becky and Sian felt they didn’t get the right advice at school, but what about at home?

“Sex wasn’t an open issue in my house when I was growing up,” said Sian. “It wasn’t spoken of. But maybe if I had had a bit more advice from my parents, things would have been different.”

Becky, who also has three children, aged eight, four and one, said: “Some parents obviously have issues with talking about sex and relationships with their children because they find it embarrassing and inappropriate.

“But I think it’s really important to talk openly and honestly with your children.”

However, as Becky and Sian have discovered as parents, answering your children’s difficult questions is not always easy. Fortunately, help is at hand.

Both young mums, who are childhood friends, recently attended York Young People’s Service’s Speakeasy course for parents and said it had a dramatic impact on their lives.

Speakeasy is an eight-week course with weekly two-hour sessions that aims to give parents the skills and information they need to talk to their children about sex and relationships.

Furthermore, everybody who participates in the course has the choice to work towards Level 1 or 2 Open College Network credits – so you can pick up an extra qualification along the way.

Becky said: “Speakeasy has given me so much more confidence as a parent, but it has also made my self-esteem grow.

“Before I started, I thought all employers would think she’s no good for us because I left school without GCSEs.

“But now I’ve got a qualification, had fun and it has made me grow as a person. I don’t believe any more that I’m a good-for-nothing when it comes to work.”

Thanks to her newfound confidence, Becky has become a volunteer for York Young People’s Service, running group sessions with vulnerable schoolgirls, helping them to boost their self-esteem so they can get more from life.

Once her own children have all reached school age, she hopes to achieve her own ambition of becoming a youth worker, working with children of parents who have alcohol and drug addiction.

If one thing was clear from my interview with Becky and Sian, it was that they are both determined to be the best possible mothers.

“My eldest son is eight and I always say to him, ‘You’ve got to get your GCSEs and get a job and go on holidays and enjoy life’,” said Becky.

“When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I was absolutely terrified. I realised it wasn’t just going to be a baby in a pram, this was somebody who I was going to have to take care of 24 hours a day, every day.

“You have got to give them everything you’ve got, physically and emotionally. At 15 I thought I’m not prepared for it.

“Even though it has been hard work, I wouldn’t change it, but I wouldn’t say go out and do it either.

“If I could have had my same children but waited another ten years that would have been brilliant, but it happened and I love my children, all of them, and I would give my world for them.

“I would just say live your life and fulfil your dreams and ambitions before you think about having a family.”

She added: “I keep telling my son he can do all these things. I never speak negatively, I’m always positive.

“My parents didn’t encourage me to have all these aspirations and I think it does make a difference.”

It seems clear that Sian and Becky’s early pregnancies might have been avoided if they had received better advice and support from their school teachers and their parents. But the two friends also highlight the role played by the media, television, films, magazines and pop music.

“Because sex is so glamorised in the media and magazines, girls think it’s a normal thing to do and that myth needs to be taken away because it does have an impact and it takes away the innocence of children,” said Becky.

“When the editors of magazines are printing all these stories they are doing it to make money. But they don’t realise it’s having a big impact on young girls and boys . There should be laws made as to what they can and can’t print.”

Sian, who would like to work with disabled children and young adults, said she was disgusted to see pictures of the teen actress Miley Cyrus, who plays Hannah Montana in the children’s television programme, dressed extremely provocatively.

“Seven, eight and nine year olds love Hannah Montana and when they see the actress dressed in suspenders, stockings and all that carry on, they are going to want to look like her because they look up to her.”

One thing is for sure, there is no quick way to reduce teenage pregnancies. There are deep-rooted social issues to be addressed and a whole culture of sexualising young children that is equally hard to reverse.

Initiatives in York such as Speakeasy are crucial, but inevitably it will take time for the impact to show itself in the city’s teenage pregnancy figures.

Unless, of course, more girls listen to advice from those who know… Becky and Sian.

• To sign up to a Speakeasy course, phone 29 Castlegate – York’s confidential information, advice, support and counselling service for young people aged 16 to 25 – on 01904 555400.

How 29 Castlegate can help young people:

• Through 29 Castlegate’s drop-in sessions, young people can access confidential information and support on sexual health issues, and be given access to free condoms, pregnancy testing and Chlamydia screening

• Information workers can also give advice on finding somewhere to live, housing options, housing rights, benefits, employment, education and training. They can help young people work out what their options are and help them make decisions for themselves about issues or problems in their lives

• Young people who visit 29 Castlegate will be able to talk to someone there and then about how they are feeling, relationships, mental or emotional health

• The centre has computer access for writing letters and CVs and a photocopier is available for keeping copies of documents

• Career guidance appointments are available for young people aged 16 to 19 who would like to spend some time discussing their long-term plans for education, training or employment

• Students from York Law College, under the supervision of a member of staff at the college, are available to discuss any legal or rights issues