IT’S Valentine’s Day next weekend – a date all singletons loathe with a passion normally reserved for the smug marrieds.

Unless, of course, February 14 brings with it a dozen red roses from a secret admirer who turns out to be the fella you have been lusting after at work for the past six months.

Ouch! Yes, that was me pinching you to bring you back to reality.

For it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman (in possession of a fine collection of shoes, handbags and lip-gloss) must be in want of a bloke. The only snag is, how does one find such a creature?

In Jane Austen’s days, women relied on good old-fashioned matchmaking to find a partner. Today, the likes of dating agencies, newspaper ads and the internet are the modern equivalents.

Carol Costello has spent the past eight years searching for Mr Right using all these methods – and more. What she doesn’t know about dating isn’t worth knowing. Which is why she is running a series of Get Back To Dating workshops for women in York.

Carol, 43, who lives in South Bank, York, works as a freelance business trainer, travelling all over the UK coaching staff in matters such as assertiveness, customer service and management leadership.

Now she is turning her coaching skills to lonely hearts in York, offering a guide to the many modern ways to meet the opposite sex and how to survive a first date.

“It’s for people who maybe have been married, got divorced and haven’t dated since modern dating services took off,” says Carol, with an enthusiastic smile.

To find love, you’ve got to start looking.

“You ask yourself: do you sit around and wait for it to happen or do you make it happen yourself?” she says. “In the rest of my life, if I want something I go out and get it. So I’ve been very proactive; I’ve used the internet, newspapers, introduction agencies and even speed dating.”

Cupid’s bow has yet to strike, admits Carol, although she has met plenty of men and had a couple of relationships in that time.

The dating game is all about being positive, says Carol: “I still haven’t found Mr Right, but I’m not with Mr Wrong.”

In the workshops, Carol advises on the pros and cons of the various methods. For example, with newspapers, you can try to find like-minded people, say men who read The Guardian. The drawback is that there is no photo and the use of premium-rate phone lines to retrieve messages can be expensive. On the internet, you can get more information and see a picture, but it is worth remembering that people can lie online, too.

“One guy I met told me about a date he went on,” says Carol. “He went to the girl’s house. In the photo, she was a pretty size 10. The girl who opened the door was about ten years older and twice the size. Inside was an ice bucket with a bottle of champagne and four glasses. She said to him: ‘Once we’ve had a glass, my mum and dad are coming to meet you.’ It was a first date!”

Which brings us neatly on how to behave on the big day. From what to wear to where to go and the delicate matter of who pays, Carol has sound advice.

“Steer away from dinner on a first date,” says Carol. “You are stuck with him for at least an hour. Go for a drink or a coffee, something you can get out of easily. Cinema is a dead loss; you can’t talk and what if he tries to hold your hand in the dark?”

Carol says honesty is always the best policy: if you don’t want to see them again, tell them so. Likewise, you have to be prepared for “rejection” too.

“If you can’t handle someone telling you they don’t want to see you again you are not ready for dating,” says Carol.

Staying safe on dates is of primary importance.

“Meet somewhere you feel comfortable and where you would be comfortable on your own in case you get stood up,” says Carol. “Always tell someone where you are going and when you should be back. And never give out your full address.”

Does Carol think there is a best way of meeting someone?

“Yes,” she says. “Being introduced by friends. My advice to the people of York is to do some matchmaking. Get some of these fabulous single people together.”

Seems like Ms Austen knew best after all.

• Dating In the 21st Century workshops are run through the Confident Ladies network group, but are open to non-members also. The sessions, featuring Carol Costello and Julie Harrison from TopMatch York dating agency, will take place on Monday, February 22, and Monday March 15, from 6.30pm to 9pm at Stonegate Yard, Little Stonegate, York. Price: £15 members, £20 non-members. For more information about the workshops, contact Carol at carolcostello@spicelearning.com or telephone 01904 629220.To book a place, visit confidentladies.co.uk


Dating tips for men

Carol would also like to offer dating coaching to men. She wants to run male-only workshops offering single men the chance to brush up on the modern methods of dating and on how to make a good first impression.

• If you want to find out more, send an email to carolcostello@spicelearning.com