LEVELS of domestic violence in York and North Yorkshire rose last year, with almost 11,000 reported incidents. National Safeguarding Week events in York this week will examine how children are often the forgotten victims.

SARAH* carefully planned her escape from her abusive partner.

She began to gather important documents together to store at her mum's house. Then on May 6, when her partner had left for work, she packed her young son's clothes together, and a small collection of her own belongings, and left their home forever.

In York and North Yorkshire, reported incidents of domestic violence have increased by about 3.7 per cent this year – amounting to 394 more incidents - with nearly 11,000 reports made to the police. But this is likely to just be the tip of the iceberg as just one in ten incidents gets reported to the police.

IDAS, North Yorkshire's domestic abuse charity, supported over 3,000 people last year and accommodated nearly 100 families through its refuges.

One of the more recent families to be offered a temporary home by the charity is 28-year-old Sarah and her son.

"When we got together he seemed really nice, he'd open car doors for me and treated me well," Sarah said about her former partner.

"But to be honest the violence in the relationship started quite quickly."

On the first occasion he threw a phone in her face. "We were arguing and he was going on about having boys' numbers on my phone."

At first he was so apologetic he cried, she said, but as time went by the violence became ever more prevalent. There were so many incidents of violence she is only recalling some now, months later. On one occasion she remembers waking with a huge black eye, and on another he grabbed Sarah by the throat and pushed her backwards over a chair arm, hurting her back so much she was unable to walk.

Having come from a background of domestic violence in which her mum suffered abuse, Sarah said she can't explain why she stayed with her partner who had previously been to prison for the abuse of a former partner.

"My friends would say I'm an idiot but if you haven't been there you don't know what it's like," Sarah said. "It's weird because on a day-to-day basis he didn't scare me, when he got angry he would scare me."

Thoughts of her son were a major factor in spurring Sarah on to leave. “I want my son to grow up without having to see things like that,” she said.

Nationally, the NSPCC says 25 per cent of children in the UK have been exposed to domestic abuse. In families with children where domestic violence occurs, 90 per cent of children are in the same or next room during an incident.

Sarah also realised the extent to which her partner was manipulative and controlling. "He was saying things to make you feel sorry for him. He was trying to turn me against people but in a really sly way."

After reading a book which explained the physically and emotionally abusive behaviour of her partner of four years, Sarah said it was as if a light had been switched on.

Part of Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft, focused on how an abusive partner was even likely to try and turn you against your children, Sarah said.

To mark National Safeguarding Week, a conference in York this week run by the council, police and IDAS, will focus on domestic violence. It will consider how to help people to find the information and support they need, and how children and young people can be the forgotten victims of abuse.

While adults may think they are protecting their children from what is going on and believe they are unaffected if they don’t witness an incident, living alongside abusive relationships can terrify children and affect how they feel, how they behave at school and how they act in their own relationships.

Julia Mulligan, North Yorkshire police and crime commissioner, said: “Sadly domestic abuse is under reported across North Yorkshire, including in York. That is something we want to improve… But there is good work across North Yorkshire and York too, and for example have the highest conviction rates for domestic abuse in the country. We also know local victims receive professional support to help them get their lives back on track.

“All types of domestic abuse have a devastating impact, not just for victims themselves but also for their children and families. I would urge anyone who is suffering to come forward and to be confident that they will be given all the support they need, be that from the police or independent services like IDAS."

Sarah Hill, director of IDAS in York, said: “For many people, not least children and young people, domestic abuse is still largely a hidden problem. It’s really positive that Safeguarding Week is being used to raise awareness about the impacts of abuse and to offer victims and survivors information about how they can access vital support services.”

For Sarah, the future is looking brighter. She is currently waiting to be allocated a house, which will mean her and her son can move out of the refuge, and hopes to study mental health nursing in the future.

She said people in a violent relationship should find the confidence to leave. "No matter how many times someone tells you they won't you do it again, need to find the courage and do it,” she said, “You will be happier in the long run. It will get better."

- York residents are invited to City of York Council’s West Office’s customer services foyer to learn about domestic abuse and support services available on Wednesday and Friday between 11am and 2pm. Representatives from the council, IDAS, the Vale of York CCG, NYP, York Hospital, Kyra Women’s Project and Board members will give information out to those dropping by.

* Name has been changed

Fact file:

• Up to 90 per cent of incidents of domestic abuse are unreported.

• Domestic abuse is defined as any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between adults who are, or have been, intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. The abuse can be, but is not limited to being psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional.

• In North Yorkshire, York & Scarborough continue to experience the highest level of domestic abuse followed by Harrogate • Nationally, the Crown Prosecution Service has recorded an 18 per cent rise in domestic abuse.

• Of concern is the emerging rise in the use of electronic devices used to eavesdrop on, or track, victims of domestic abuse. There is evidence that spyware or tracking apps have been utilised by perpetrators in York and North Yorkshire to facilitate the monitoring of phones as well as tracking victims’ movements. This has been increasingly evident in harassment cases.

• Alcohol and drugs are known factors in over a quarter of incidents reported to the police.

• On just one day in 2014 in refuge services nationally 112 women and their 84 children were turned away from refuge because they could not be accommodated (data provided by 140 refuges).

• Two women are killed every week in England and Wales by a current or former partner

• Six million women in England and Wales have experienced domestic abuse

• The most dangerous time for a woman is when she is trying to escape from her abuse

• 14.7 per cent of men state they have been a victim of domestic abuse since they were 16 (28.3 per cent of women). For every three victims of domestic abuse, two will be female, one will be male.

How to get help

IDAS provide outreach services to support people 1:1 and in groups as well as an IDVA (Independent Domestic Violence Advisor) service to support people through the court system. IDAS also run a 24 hour helpline 03000 110 110. You can use the helplines if you are a victim, worried about your relationship or if you are concerned about someone you know. The lines are free and confidential.

If you have concerns that someone may be experiencing domestic violence, you can call City of York Council through its adult social care department on 01904 555111.

For safeguarding concerns about adults, visit https://www.safeguardingadultsyork.org.uk/what-is-safeguarding/how-to-raise-a-safeguarding-concern/ or for children: http://www.saferchildrenyork.org.uk/ If you think that a child or young person is being abused or neglected call the Children's Front Door on 01904 551900 or email childrensfrontdoor@york.gov.uk