THEY’LL be dancing in the streets of Zimbabwe – but poor old Alfred must be spinning in his grave.

Scrabble’s owners, Mattel, announced this week that they are to abandon the “no proper nouns” rule when they relaunch the game later this year.

Good news for Shakira (14 points before bonuses), Beckham (20) and Zucker (21). But bad news for puritans and wordsmiths everywhere, not to mention for the game’s late, great founder, Alfred Butts.

Mattel wants to change Butts’ original rules, even though they have served generations of players since 1948, seemingly without cause for complaint. Place names, people’s names and even brand names will all now be permissible, the firm says, meaning the once-erudite board could soon be overrun by Kappa (13), WKD (11) and people with names like Jay-Z (23).

Well, not in my house and I hope not in yours!

I can’t decide whether it’s pathetic or tragic, but if ever a story demonstrated the worthlessness of modern culture, this was it.

After all, an academic study late last year found that the average person consumes 100,000 words a day. The Oxford English Dictionary, according to its website, contains entries for 291,500 words. You’d think, then, that most people would be able to come up with a dozen or so nouns, verbs and adjectives without having to resort to MTV or a copy of OK!

Apparently not.

No, Mattel says the changes are necessary, so it can appeal to a younger audience and embrace an element of “pop culture”.

Sacre-bleu. What a savage blow to anyone who has ever whiled away a rain-soaked holiday juggling their vowels and consonants.

Why should people be rewarded for the word “Ronaldo” or “Orlando” if they can’t find the far more satisfying option – “lardoon”?

Why should any ephemeral celeb called “Enrique” elicit the same avalanche of points as the eminently more noble “enquire”? Why should some unknown “Kirsten” get the same recognition as the evocative and pleasing “tinkers” or “stinker”?

Next thing you know, they’ll be allowing text-speak and phonetic spellings. LOL. OMG. CU! Maybe they’ll even rename the thing “Scrabl”. Good heavens, just the thought of the sacrilege makes me sick.

Part of me thinks all this must be nothing more than a cynical marketing ploy. Perhaps Mattel are lapping up all this controversy, parroting the adage that there’s no such thing as bad publicity.

And maybe they’re right.

But if one thing shows they’ve taken it too far, it’s the liberty they have afforded the Q, once the notorious but relished nemesis of game-players everywhere. It now lurks menacingly, unchained and free and – worse yet – armed to the hilt with power. No longer will the Us and blanks be coveted. Iraq will rule the board. Weapons of mass destruction? None. Points of mass destruction? 42 if you get your positioning right.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, then think of the boost these changes could hand al Qaida. One minute, they’re global public enemy number one. The next, they’re giving you a 50-point bonus and probable victory.

There, I’ve said it. Mess with Scrabble, and you’re pandering to terrorists. Pack it in.